why don’t they ever have pregnancy test ads and commercials where the woman is happy she isn’t pregnant? cause listen. i’ve peed on more sticks hoping i *wasn’t* pregnant than the 3 times i planned to be.

if you’ve never experienced the dreadfully agonizing 3-minute wait to find out your faithful ass cervix was dodging sperm bullets like Neo in the Matrix – baby, YOU don’t know the goodness of MY God.

if you never sat on the toilet seat waiting impatiently, thinking “who i know that want a baby?” or “let me count these days again” or “what the fuck am i gonna tell my momma?” only to be rewarded for your impatience and probable irresponsibility with a negative test result? LAWD – girl, we are not the same.

i sing hymns, praises, and spiritual songs to my period every 28 days because my uterus is dependable and deserves the glory. #CrampsOverContractions

maybe they don’t have those commercials because:

1) women aren’t supposed to be out here freely enjoying sex for the sake of fucking anyway [cause it’s for procreation, you know], and

b) all women are supposed to want to be mothers – we CANNOT have an ad of a woman celebrating the fact that she isn’t doing the very thing she was *created* to do, right?

…….right.